Am I right to feel hurt...and where do I go from here?

by Wounded
(The Midwest)



Dear Miss Manners,

My son's fiancee is having her bridal shower in 2 weeks, which is being hosted by family. As the mother of the groom, I had expected to be invited, but was not. The shower will be held in a town 5 hours drive from here, and perhaps they assumed I couldn't attend, but shouldn't I at least have been invited?

I am deeply wounded by this snub but I'm unsure if I should say anything to her, or to my son, or if I should let it go and move on. My fear is that I will still hold on to some of the bitterness and resentment, as much as I would like to let it go, and that it will taint our relationship going forward.

Where do I go from here?

Wounded in the Midwest

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In-Law Protocol ...
by: Miss P Etiquette

Dear Wounded,

Regarding your question about being excluded from your son's fiance's wedding shower: Yes, you should have been invited. It is proper manners to include you no matter the distance you would need to travel.


My advice is to ask the mother of the bride if your invitation went missing. Assuming the post office is the culprit, allows her a graceful way of sending you a new invitation. If there are other problems within the "In-Law" network influencing the decision to have the shower without you, I leave that up to you to resolve.


Do not involve your son who has no control over the shower. That would only put him in an awkward position and solve nothing. Causing that problem would definitely be poor practical etiquette.


Good luck. Let me know how it turns out.

Miss Practical Etiquette

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