Date Etiquette Situation

by Repulsed
(Rochester)



I was invited to a party with some people I did not know well by someone I was dating when one of my dates friends got so drunk that he was vomiting uncontrollably. He was so drunk he could not make it to the bathroom let alone hold his head up over the bag given him to throw up in. This went on for at least an hour.

My date seemed oblivious to the fact that I found this situation extremely upsetting at the time. Because the apartment where the party was held was very small I had no where to go to get away from the scene and it made it difficult for me to ask my date to get me out of the situation.

Finally I was forced to say something out loud and in front of everyone and excuse myself publicly scene, or no. I just couldn't take anymore!

Since this disturbing scene it has all but broke my boyfriend and I up as a result of the conflict. He feels I embarrassed him in front of his friends I feel first of all his friend should have controlled his drinking, and that if he failed to do so my date should have escorted me politely from the party (without my having to ask). Bearing in mind I found out since this incident that it is not the first time my dates friend has acted this way and in fact did so at a party my date held at his own home.

I think rather than me my date needs to be angry with his friend who ultimately caused the whole scene in the first place.

My question, what is proper etiquette in a situation like this? Isn't it my dates responsibility since I was his guest to make my comfort and safety his first concern? Shouldn't my date used better judgment than to expose me to this situation knowing this persons past? Once this persons drinking became a problem shouldn't my date have removed me from the party as a gentleman without my needing to be put on the spot in front of his friends (strangers to me) by asking him to escort me to safety. My date is of the opinion that I should have taken him aside and asked him to remove me despite the fact that the apartment was small and there was not really a place to do this. Not to mention I feel it's unfair for me, a guest of the date, and at the party to have to be put on the spot since after taking my date aside they would have all known I was the reason we were leaving. Shouldn't my comfort and safety been my dates first concern in this situation?


Thank you for your help,

Repulsed in Rochester

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Yuck!
by: Miss P Etiquette

Dear Repulsed,

First, may I say ? Yuck!

Now to the first part your question, which seems to be ?shouldn?t my date have treated me respectfully, protected me, thought of my feelings and offered to take me away from the party??

Yes. From your description it appears as if he was oblivious to you and your comfort even after you asked to leave. It shouldn?t take disgusting drunken behavior to compel this proper conduct. He should have your welfare in mind whenever you are together. And you should want the same for him.

Your second question sounds like you want him to be angry at his misbehaving friend for your sake. I do not think his anger at a third party is a necessary component of respectful behavior toward you. So, no. His response to his friend is his business. Practical etiquette involves his attitude and actions in your relationship to each other.

Perhaps the more relevant question is why YOU are interested in dating this man who has demonstrated his lack of caring, class, manners and practical common sense? This cannot be the first time he has dismissed you and your feelings; it was just more obvious.

Practical etiquette demands mutual respect in all mutual relationships. Please give this some thought and take care of yourself. That is always good manners.

Good luck,

Miss Practical Manners

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