death memorial question

by Bobby
(Virginia)

I had an old girlfriend that was supposed to marry me but before we got to that time things fell apart. her mom had cancer and died along our relationship. she ended up marrying someone else somewhat hastily, I believe. we really had great times together. any way, she died 7 years ago. I just recently found out her brother, whom I used to work with, died about a month ago. she was not listed as a survivor of his. I hurt her and when she gave me one last chance to make up I didn't know what I should do. I was stunned. when I finally realized I needed her I tried to contact her at her families house and they said she would have to explain.


I got a letter a week or two later saying I had waited too long. it was addressed with her having a new name. this guy was 10 years older than us, had just married someone a year prior to theirs. I think she gave in at a vulnerable time. her mom had been battling cancer and had passed in between our breakup(which I didn't know was the final time I would see her. I was stunned and devastated.

this took place 33 years ago. I STILL LOVE THIS WOMAN VERY MUCH AND NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO TELL HER I WAS SORRY FOR HURTING HER WHEN SHE NEEDED ME.

What I want to know is would it be acceptable to remember some of our time together and apologize to her for the pain I caused her? I had a broken heart back then and now because I will never see her again and be able to apologize to her in person. I don't know if people in heaven can see or hear loved ones but I think it would help me just a little. I will never get over her the rest of my life. I don't usually cry but I have quite a few times since I found out she had passed.

I think God put me there in her life to help her through her tough time and I let not only her down but God also. we both also lived in Carolina at this time. HELP ME OUT PLEASE.

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Behaviour Should Fit the Situation
by: Ms P Etiquette

Bobby,

If you are asking if it is appropriate for you to discuss your past with this woman at a memorial service for another family member, we must be careful to avoid using our own need for redemption as a reason for expressing feelings, especially when this could be quite embarrassing to other attendees at the service. Why not just let her know apologies privately in your thoughts or prayers. Any other action would be very poor etiquette.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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