No formal invite to wedding

by kay
(MN)

Our daughter in laws brother is getting married, we assumed we would be invited and the wedding is being paid for by our DIL's parents. My DIL sent me an email telling me that we would be invited to the wedding and could we take our grandsons and 2 cousins home about 9 pm and watch them. I relied that we could. Well, the invitations have gone out and we were not on the guest list. My feeling is to just tell my son and DIL that we will pick the children up at 9 and not attend the wedding. It is not a sit down , it is going to be cocktails and heavy appetizers so it's not a question of 2 extra meals. We have known the DIL's family and brother for years, kids all went to school together and they were all invited to our daughter's wedding.


Is this proper etiquette that we were not sent an invite and just told we could attend? My DIL and her mother pride themselves on being etiquette experts.

What do you suggest we do? I definately will send a gift.

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Weddings
by: Ms P Etiquette

Kay~

Without knowing all the facts, this seems to be an inappropriate way to include anyone in a formal function such as a wedding. Do you know if other family members received only verbal invitations? If not, please discuss this with your son and his wife so all of you are comfortable and there is no tension in your immediate family. Just politely ask if they want you to attend the wedding as well as take care of the children. Do not make an issue out of the missing invitation. Accept their response. And know that perhaps this family is not as up on their etiquette as they think they are!


Good luck!
Ms Practical Etiquette

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