Unwanted Passenger

by Kelsey
(Gibsonburg, OH)



Dear Miss Manners

I am seeking your advice about a woman I barely know but has recently joined a moms group I am a member of. She does not drive but frequently shows up to many of the gatherings we have, which is fine. However, she is always assuming someone at the gatherings will give her a ride home or drop her off elsewhere or in one case drive her to the bank, wait for her and then drive her home. I have given her a few rides out of kindness but its kind of awkard since I barely know her and she also has a very heavy accent so she can be difficult to understand. Now she has joined the book club (which is an extension of our moms group) and she put me on the spot the other night and said "you'll give me a ride, right?" What could I say? I don't like she is constantly depending on others to transport her in a presumptious manner. Is there is anything that can be done to make her understand she cannot expect a ride from our member everytime she shows up for something without being mean or hurting feelings? Its making people feel awkward around her.

Sincerely,
Awkward Mommy

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Creating Boundaries
by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Awkward,

To summarize, you have a presumptuous, foreign accented mom who depends on others for her transportation. She makes you feel awkward when she asks for rides at the last minute and puts you on the spot. Is that correct? I am not sure what the accent has to do with it, though except it makes you uncomfortable.

If you fear she will continue behaving in this manner then you must set a boundary now to prevent continued awkward feelings. The next time she asks you for a ride, simply tell her that you can take her this time (or not) but want her to know that often it is not convenient for you to change your schedule at the last minute to accommodate her. Let her know you need a few days prior notice. Now you will not feel pressured when she asks for a ride in advance. Of course, you may tell her yes or no depending upon your schedule and inclination. If you set the proper boundary you will not feel so powerless and put upon which in turn will help you relax around her.

Let us know how this works for you.


Kind regards,
Ms Practical Etiquette

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