2 invitations for the same day

by Jan
(Virginia Beach, VA)

I invited my friends, a married couple, for a Super Bowl party about 4 weeks before the game since we had them over the year before and it worked out well. About a week before the game, she said that she had been invited to a Super Bowl party at someone else's house and that they were going there instead. Then she added, "Don't worry, the hostess said that you can come too". The other hostess was the wife of my friends' pastor. The excuse my friend gave me was that there would be people at the other party that she hadn't seen for a long time. I was incredibly hurt and did not attend the other party. My husband said I should just let it go. However, this friend claims that I am a "best friend" and went along as if nothing had happened. Am I wrong to be offended and should I take this as a sign that I should rethink the friendship? I am an acquaintance of the other hostess but was not on her original guest list.

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Competing Invitations
by: Ms P Etiquette

Hi Jan,

Thank you for your question. When people accept an invitation, they are committed to the first event. It has been awhile since the Super Bowl, and this is clearly still bothering you. It goes to the very core of the friendship with this person. Your choice is one of two routes. If you would like to continue this friendship, you should speak to her about this and tell her how she hurt you. Based on her response, you will see what value the friendship has. If you believe the friendship is beyond repair, then there is only one recourse.

At minimum, you should consider having the conversation. People do not always think about their actions and the possible impact on others. I am sure she believes she was considering your feelings when she had you invited to the other party. Have the conversation.

Good luck,

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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