Are step children included for 50th anniversary party?

Hello Miss Pratical Manners,

My sister and I are planning our parents 50th wedding anniversary party together, although I will be paying for the majority of the party. I'd like to have a special candle made for this party, with a personalized poem written on the back. The problem is, I'd like to have my sister and my names on the back, as well as our 4 children/grandchildren's names on the back of the candle. I do not want my sisters' two step children's names on this personal candle, because although her step children are kind, they live out of state, are not close to my parents, and are not biological grand children. My sister is very offended by this, and says she'll never forgive me if I don't include the two step children's names on the candle. I completely disagree, but want to include the lighting of this candle at the party in front of the guests as a symbol of their married life. Can you please advise me on how to handle this difficult situation with my sister? Thank you!-trying to keep the peace.

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Party Etiquette
by: Ms P Etiquette

Hello Party Giver/Sister,

It is never proper etiquette to cause discord around a planned event, especially a family event. You are planning an event that celebrates love and family. Compassion is a fine ingredient for a family celebration. Your actions toward your sister's step children is harsh and exclusive. A loving family affair should not be the cause of the terrible hurt this will cause your sister. Include everyone's name on the candle. It is simply good manners.

Thank you for this interesting inquiry and good luck.

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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