Can my 3 sibling really get away with this?

by Bob
(Philadelphia, PA)

I feel like you have to earn your 90 years old birthday merit badge and I my father's is December 4th. He lives at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in DC. So my 2 bros live near Leesburg, VA and my sister is on a road trip with a week in Va. Beach, then my dad and her are going to New Bedford to celebrate his older brother's "real birthday." I live in Philadelphia.

My older brother sent me this email on July 8 11:40am:

We will be eating dinner this Saturday night at:
Ruth's Chris Steak House
8521 Leesburg Pike, Vienna (Tysons Corner), VA 22182
We have reservations for 5:30pm sharp. The dress code is business casual. Nice dress pants and a shirt. No jeans or tennis shoes.
Looking forward to seeing you all. Please confirm receipt of this email.
Jerry Picard
Superlative Technologies, Inc. (dba SuprTEK)

Is that the rudest? Would you get the feeling my brother just expects me to drive another 3 hours alone back to Philly? Is it just me or does his email utterly lack any concern for my feelings?

I don't think I will be going. Is this normal or is it birthday fraud? Should I tell Jerry how I feel about his lack of consideration?

I hope you have a great weekend

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Family Ways
by: Ms P Etiquette


This is a fine kettle of fish! Seriously now, your father's birthday is next December to be celebrated in July because your oldest brother says so without any discussion? If I have the situation straight, it appears your brother has acted without consulting other family members who are involved. This is poor manners and inconsiderate on the face of it. If there are other factors, like you and your brother do not get along or have been estranged for example, my response would be slightly different. Strained relationships between family members usually produce poor communication and need to be addressed before there is discussion about the etiquette involved. It is clear that you have taken your brother's busque invitation personally so your feelings have been hurt​.​ Unless you speak with him about this (without being accusatory or confrontational) it will not be resolved. Instead of telling him what you feel he did wrong, just let him know that you were hurt because it appeared your location and situation were not considered. Also, you may want to ask the reason for the December celebration in July.

Good luck. I'd like to know if you attended the dinner or not.

​Ms. Practical Etiquette​

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