Family get together

by Lacy
(Rahway NJ USA)

My daughter and her family live in NJ. So do I. My son and his wife live in Missouri. My x husband in Florida. This weekend everyone is in the NYC and NJ area. My ex arrived on thursday night having driven by himself and slept on the road in the car. Fri my son called from NYC that he was coming in on the subway and wanted his Dad to pick him and wife. They would go out. My daughter was left out. My son called earlier Fri to say to me /talk to my sister because we will go out on Sat. It appears that he wants separate meetings and did not say lets talk about all of us going out. My daughter is upset and I think he is rude. My son has been retrained by his wife who is rather in the dark about courteous behavior. What is the tactful approach? Thanks

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Steer Clear
by: Ms P Etiquette

Hello Lacy,

The tactful approach is for you to stay out of this completely. Advise your son to do his own talking directly with his sister or any other family member involved. No matter who lives where or why they are in NYC, it is dangerous for any family to triangulate by asking one family member to pass along to another what yet another family member wishes to express. You can see where this is going... down a dark road to family dysfunction!
Be brave and decline to be his or anyone's messenger.​

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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