Grandpa has same girlfriend for 20 +years

by Offended girlfriend

As grandchild, what should grandchildren call grandpa's long time common law girlfriend? Initially, they started calling her by first name and now they teenagers .Grandpa's adult children have always called her by first name as well. Grandpa's children instruct their children (these grandchildren)to address ALL of their adult friends and neighbors as Aunt Marie, Uncle Bill, or Grandma Emma or Grandpa Joe. They instructed them to call grandpa's girlfriend (they choose not to marry) by her first name and still after 20+ years have not changed it. Should she or someone have addressed this or do it now? Or, is this just proper etiquette even though seems insulting or disrespectful? The girlfriend has been seeing this practice and loving and babysitting for and cooking for and caring for and buying birthday, easter and christmas gifts fir all of them all if these "friends" for 20+ years now. She is feeling slighted at the very least. Hard to hear kids call a stranger Aunt or Grandma but, hear them call her by first name only. Sometimes the grandchildren slip and call her "grandma" and then, if they realize it, they correct themselves! Even the adult children say Grandpa & Grandma sometimes but, they usually smile to acknowledge that they mis-spoke instead if correcting what they said. Funny thing is it's Grandma's home that Grandpa moved into 20+ years ago and they usually speak of it as going to Grandpa's house. It's still owned by only the girlfriend. Very insulting to the girlfriend and Grandpa just says "they aren't trying to hurt anyone". Wonder how he would handle it if shoe in his foot instead? She's concerned she will address it herself at some point but, wishes someone else would. It's awkward...any suggestions would be appreciated in email to me. Thanks.

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What's in a Name
by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Offended Girlfriend,

Thank you for your question. This should easily handled easily. What does the girlfriend wish to be called. Once that is established, each parent should be takes aside and explained that going forward this is what she would like to be called by both the grandpa's children and grand children. Do not make a big fuss about it, as that will only serve to make this a bigger issue than it is. A phone call prior to the next family event stating that Grandpa's girlfriend has been thinking and would like to be called ... is really all it should take. People may slip up from time to time, but understand that they are not using a name to offend, and some instruction would likely be welcomed.

Good Luck!

Ms Practical Etiquette

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