Headstone Headache

by Hapless Headstone Headache

My husband has been asked to "handle" (research, order, ship, arrange for installation and pay for) a headstone for his aunt who died a year ago by the aunt's eldest daughter. The aunt raised my husband for 8 years when he was a child as a result of a custody battle with my husband's mother. My husband was not included in the will and is the most financially successful of the entire family. He is also the only one in the family who is married (25 years) and has a job with retirement coming soon. The aunt insulted me for 26 years since I first met her about my weight, which I endured for the sake of family harmony. His deceased aunt did have a common-law husband of 46 years who is not responding to written, phone, in-person visits from any members of this side of the family. Is my husband obligated in any way? He is a good man, and has more than shown his gratitude and appreciation to his aunt, both when alive and with a massive funeral cost for her flowers. As the only married relatives on his side of the family, I feel insulted that I was not included or consulted and that I was never treated with kindness by this woman when she was alive. The request was made on the sly to him by this cousin during a recent visit.

Would it be appropriate to point out the cost of the flowers for the funeral that were footed by both of us? Is it appropriate to respond that since he was not in the will, perhaps the person who inherited should pay for the headstone? Is it, as I pointed out to my husband, the aunt's common-law husband's responsibility to see that she has a headstone? Is it something that my husband could research and then send them the information and recommend their side of the family split the cost? I hate to even get involved and am livid over this 'request.'

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Headstone & Relatives
by: Ms P Etiquette

Hello Hapless~

This is not about who is responsible. The aunt took him in when he needed a home. That is what matters. Being or not being named in the will isn't relevant.

How his aunt treated you is also not relevant.
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If your husband feels he wants to take care of the headstone, please do not argue with him. His relationship with his aunt was forged before he had you in his life.

Please allow him to put closure on this his own way.

I am so sorry you have been treated badly, but perhaps you won't have to deal with that any longer.

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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