Left off the invitation list

My great nephew and his bride did not invite me to his destination wedding, which was held ten minutes from where I live! I have a good relationship with my brother (his father) and my sister in law and have gotten along well with all of their family although I have not been involved in their lives other than seeing them at weddings and funerals! My sister in law (his mother) called me to tell me how fun the wedding was, which was the first time I even heard he was getting married. When I exclaimed my apologies for not attending, that my invitation must have been lost in transit, she said they didn't invite me because they didn't want to invite my sister who has been a source of problems in our family for a long time. I allowed her to go on and on about the wonderful time they had and to hear that there were ten brides maids, so it was obviously a very big wedding! I listened patiently to her go on and on about all the details and then to her once again apologize for my not being invited. I graciously told her that I was just happy to hear that it was such a success. Then she also mentioned that my great niece is also getting married in January but they were not inviting me for the same reason. She went on and on about my great nieces fiance and details about what was being planned. I started getting sick at my stomach...Really. Is my being horribly offended and hurt out of line? Again, I am not close to my great niece or my nephew but I have always been close to their parents and their grand parents. I suppose I am still a bit in shock at not being invited to share this special family time.

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by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Great Aunt,

I would be terribly offended by this rude behavior. Your sister-in-law's manners are offensive, even to me! Of course, there is no true resolution when dealing with someone devoid of all social graces. Her going on and on is one thing, but her actually telling you that your sister is horrible is beyond all imagination.
So to answer your question, my stomach would have turned as well. Your internal reaction to this vicious, ill mannered conversation is understandable. I am sure it was made worse by your staying on the phone listening to her for so long. In the future, you may let her know how your feel but the best solution is cutting the conversation off in 2 minutes or less. It is your only protection from this awful behavior.

Take care.

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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