obituary from 22 year old relationship from widowers - is it acceptable or inappropriate

by Susan
(Sumter, SC)

My dear 85 year old Mother dated a sweet man who just passed away yesterday at 90 years old. He was a dear friend of our families and came to every birthday, christmas, wedding function etc for 22 years. He and my mother were both married for 40 plus years and both met as widowers. Losing George has been like losing a step father.


My sister and I decided what to put in a obituary and first expressing sincere condolences to George's immediate family something like this:
"our family wishes to express our sincere condolences to George's immediate family, and to acknowledge our family's incredible loss with the passing of a very special man George XXXX, who has graced our presence for over 22 years, loving friend to Doreen XXXX and her family.......... He will be sorely missed."

My brother has since reacted with a response saying this is inappropriate and not our bailiwick. Etc. This is after our Mother read the proposed obituary and asked to have a picture added to the obituary and now my brother is saying how terribly inappropriate it is as he had a wife for 40 years and we are being disrespectful. His only son lives 12 hours away and is home to take care of the house and all the paperwork.

What is your take on this?




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Obituaries
by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Susan,

I am very sorry for your loss.

Regarding the obituary, it is usually reserved for direct family. That being said, this does seem like an exceptional case. Perhaps speak with the son first. If he is fine, then proceed with your plans. He may appreciate the support at this time. If the son would like to take care of the obituary, perhaps you could put your proposed as part of a response to his, as they now generally provide such space. But speak to the son first on either case.

Again, sorry for your loss,

Ms Practical Etiquette

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