Should Deadbeat Mother be invited to wedding festivities?

by Pam Keyser
(Pittsburgh)

My husbands and his first wife separated and his ex wife went home to her parents she was a young mother and left the care of their daughter to her elderly parent (70s) (turns out they were her actual grandparents but signed birth cert) so she could party (their words). They called my husband to come get her or else they were going to put her in a foster home (what this family did to other grandkids). I met my hubby at 24 and fell in love with that little girl and her dad. He got full custody and we got married. Never heard from her mother except for a rare card and phone call. Never gave her a dime of support (50 dollars/ Month) not a lot of money. Years went by and I loved her and took care of her and her special needs. I would try to explain why she never came around when she would cry never saying the things I reallly thought of her. When she was 11 we invited her Mom to our house for Christmas. I heard her telling my daughter (an 11 year old) she waited for her to call. A child was to call a parent. At that time she knew where we lived and our phone number but Disappeared again until our daughter was 18. And wanted to meet her against our advice. (She lost custody to her second child to his Dad too)She made all kinds of lies about us not allowing her to viait etc. which strained our relationship with our daughter because she believed her. Eventually she realized this woman is evil. I hear rumors that the grooms family is pressuring her to invite this woman to the showers and the wedding. Our daughter has not been truthful regarding this woman to her future in laws. Her Dad and I have said from the beginning of the engagement that the woman has created so much pain in our family that if she's there we will not be. Right now she owes nealy 15,000 back child support

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Bride's Day
by: Ms P Etiquette

Pam,

​If the bride and groom wish to invite her, then she should be invited. Please do not take this as a personal rejection. Putting the bride in the position where she has to choose between you and her birth mother is cruel. It is your sweet girl's wedding. Please support whatever she wishes to do with this situation. Bad mother or not, it is not up to you. By your gracious behavior your daughter will understand why she loves you. Please do not allow this situation to mar your lovely relationship with the bride.

Best wishes to all!

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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