Who to be buried with

by Evrand Blass
(Lexington Park, MD)

My late wife died 10 years ago, and we got adjoining burial plots and a double name head stone. I’ve since married again, to a younger woman, 40 years younger, and she asked me where I wanted to be buried when I die. (I’m a Vet. And she wants to do a military funeral for me, which I would like to have, too.) I told her about the double plot and I planned on being buried there, in my home town, where a majority of my family is buried. She became upset that I don’t want to be buried with her, that she would be buried without me. She says my late wife is dead, and I should think of my current wife, her.

I don’t know what to do, honor my late wife or be loyal to my current wife?!

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Burial Situation
by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Evrand,

This is a very complicated situation. The truth is, there is no good answer. Here is a Wall Street Journal article on just this situation:


In many states, the surviving spouse as the decision as to where the deceased will be married, while a few states will honor the wishes of the decease if provided direction before his/her passing. In addition, the children, as you see in the article, also have a say.

The truth is, the only good answer is what you and your family can agree on. There is no "etiquette rule" that will answer this conundrum.

Ms. Practical Etiquette

Can all 3 be in 1 plot?
by: David Klassy

Hi Mr. Blass,

My condolences on Jeremy’s recent death but all belated best wishes from Ms. Audrey’s death.

My mom’s dad, also a Vet, buried my grandmother at Black Hills National Cemetery in South Dakota, thinking he’d be next and then his 2nd wife. My step grandmother was 2nd to die and be buried. When he died, he was put in between the two. Is that a possibility?

Hoping everything’s ok. Again, my sympathies.

Dave Klassy

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