Why I was the only relative not invited to my nephews wedding

by Moana
(New Zealand)

Even though they invited me to their engagement party, I was the only aunty NOT invited to my own sister's son's wedding. The sad thing is that our father ( nephews granddad ) passed away between the engagement party and the wedding. He would most certainly have been invited to this wedding, and I am certain that he would be rolling in his grave that I, his daughter, was left out. My brother and his wife were invited, as well as all of the seven uncles and aunts on my nephew's fathers side of the family. Even old family friends of my brother and sister were invited. My sister even had her birth parents invited too. As an adult my sister found her birth parents. Unfortunately on one of their visits, her birth father inappropriately touched my sister. I was upset to hear that this awful man had a seat a table opposite our own parents - mine and my brother and sister's mother and stepfather. Our mum and stepdad were more than uncomfortable about that insensitive seating placement. The whole family knew about the awful transgression between my sister and her birth father. It hurts me to think that a sexual offending birth father ( grandfather to the nephew ) was invited rather than me. To this day neither my sister nor my nephew have had the decency to explain why I was deliberately not invited to the family wedding. My mother threatened not to attend with out me, however her husband convinced her to attend "out of duty". I was tempted to gatecrash the wedding, but I chose not to too. I regret that decision - since in the event my brother and his wife took both of their daughters even though they were not invited to either the ceremony or the dinner ( but not both , however they attended both ). I would dearly like to put this behind me, however I feel that the least that my nephew and or my sister could do would be to explain why I was left out.

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Wedding Invitation
by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Moana,

This situation is a very complex one with a lot of family complexity involved. There really is no good answer. What is done is done. The question for you is what is to be gained by you pushing this further? This is no longer a question of etiquette but of personal peace and family harmony for you. Your sister and nephew will have to make their own decision as to whether they want to address it. I suspect, given the silence, they already have, and that is to do nothing further. From your standpoint, you need to decide if this is worth further fractioning the relationships with the rest of your family but pushing this further. I suspect not.

Move on and move forward.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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