Brother and sister not invited to nephews wedding

by dar
(california)

my sister and her son, my nephew did not invite my brother and I to his wedding nearly 2 years ago. My sister mentioned to me at my birthday that her son was going to be married in a couple of months. As the time grew near, I had not received my invite. I called her to tell her I had not received it yet. To my surprise she made up this story that she didn't think I would want to come as "I had not seen him in a long time". As for my brother, she said she didn't want him to be uncomfortable because of a medical condition he has. So, for the last 2 years my brother and I have spent the holidays together with our kids and its actually kinda nice as my sister would always try and out do us in gifts and is one of these premadonnas that everything has to have a brand name or title on it.


Out of the blue, this christmas she texted me an invite to a christmas party on a boat in Discovery Bay. I called my brother to see if he received the text also and he said no he did not receive anything from her. I texted her back saying No thanks. Then get this note back saying at least she is trying. I answered her by saying why wait all this time to "try" and make amends.

A phone call would have been nice.

I don't know why I was expecting her to change, after all, she decided to take a trip with some guy she met online to Hawaii and turned her phone off while my brother and I were with our mom when she passed away. She's a nurse too. Real compassionate.

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Family
by: Ms P Etiquette

Hello Dar,

Your sister's behavior is consistent, isn't it? She continues to treat you and your brother in a thoughtless and offhand manner. This seems to be who she is. My question to you is why you expect it to change or for her to begin treating you well?

My best advice to you is to be cordial with her, let go of your anger and enjoy your own life. You can turn down any other invitations you feel are insincere. One day perhaps the two or three of you can have a civil conversation regarding all these events to see if you can reach some common ground. Many times we can salvage family relationships if we are willing to accept less than perfect behavior. Acceptance does bring peace of mind and contentment. However, I do know from personal experience that acceptance is easy to advise and very difficult to accomplish.

I wish you well, Dar. Thank you for your inquiry.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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Thankyou
by: Dar

I want to thank you for your input regarding my rude sister.

I hope I can heed your words of wisdom and just let go. I am the oldest of my siblings and somehow felt I had to hold the family together since my mom passed away in 1999. My mother and I were very close, something my sister and mom were not.

Thank you again

sincerely

Dar

I was looking for the other comments I got from readers and can't seem to find them now.?

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Other Readers
by: Dan

Hi Dar,

At this point, there has been no other responses. We will see and when they are listed, I will publish them. Good luck with your sister. Hopefully you and your brother will figure out how this can be put back together.

Kind regards,
Dan
Publisher/Owner of PracticalEtiquette.com

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comment and question
by: Anonymous

My sister and I were not invited to nephews wedding. However, nephew called us beforehand personally and said they wanted it small.
He thanked me for understanding. He also said that he and wife would be having an informal celebration this summer. I think we will be invited but dont even know yet.
His mom, my sister, has not always treated me well and I sometimes think to take this personally but am trying not to at this time. Im trying to focus on the fact that it's their wedding.
I would like to send a card with/without money but dont know if it is appropriate or not since I havent been invited. I dont know what to do.
can you advise?

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Gift Giving is personal
by: Ms P Etiquette

It would seem that your nephew is sensitive to your feelings and called to explain the situation. The question that you must ask yourself is: Do you want to give he and his bride a gift? If you do, then you should do it. There is no written rule to say "yes" or "no". If you feel it is appropriate, then you should send a gift that you deem correct.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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i am hurting
by: Anonymous

my nephew got married tonight and I was not invited. My sister and I have argued a lot about he care of our mother. Depsite me being by my mother's side since our father passed, she would claim that I did nothing. Another sister that I am very close to had my mom living with her the first 2 years during that time, I cooked dinners for them for the week and helped as much as I could but sister "three" and another sister did not like the arrangement despite the fact that neither of them had to do a thing and then convinced my mom that this was not a good situation, so the "bad" sister convinced her to make her POA and then my mother was left alone in her condo, did not have medical treatment and was very lonely ... all along despite who had control I was there, brought food, company and companionship to mom, but the POA sister still claimed I did nothing -- when mom contracted illnesses that were not handled, I spoke out -- which led to me not getting invited to her son's wedding I hurt so badly that I do not know what to do help!

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Poor you
by: Anonymous

Please accept my sympathies for the rude way you have been treated. It's looks as if you became the family scapegoat. I have similar sibling relationships and now I just keep things very low contact.

Snubbing is the nastiest of actions. I've had it done to me too, for speaking the truth about the family. I've learned that they can't change. Hugs to you, you are your own person, you did nothing wrong and you are okay!

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