Is it rude to request that my son not invite his father (ex-husband, was abusive and mostly deadbeat dad) to rehearsal supper, My husband and I are paying?

by Lorrie
(Louisiana)



My ex-husband didn't work until my son turned 18 and we got not a penny from him for seven years in back child support. Luckily I had filed through supportkids.com to try to get it. I have been receiving some since then. During that time my son had very little to do with his dad. Lately he has been talking to his father, but considers my husband his dad. Ex was abusive and is mentally ill. I DO NOT want to pay $40/head for him and his wife to attend the rehearsal supper, it is too intimate a setting. He is invited to the wedding and I have no problem with that, can avoid him. How do I handle this situation?

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Family Dynamics
by: Miss P Etiquette

Dear Lorrie~

Ahhh, the family dynamic when hostility and ill feelings take control, this is a challenge. It is particularly disturbing when it involves a wedding which by it's very nature, is a happy occasion.

Practical Etiquette suggests the host invite those on the lists submitted by both families and within the parameters set by the host. If, for example, you set the limits at 20 people who are family members and close friends, you must invite those on the list.

Wedding Etiquette says you invite those whom the bride and groom request. If your son asked that his father be included, past history and/or cost of the dinner are to be ignored in favor of the groom's request.

As difficult as this may be for you, your son did not create the relationship between you and your former husband. He should not be denied the presence of his father at his own wedding because of it. Please try to share the joy of this important event with your son and his bride. If you allow the presence of your ex husband to destroy the moment, you will regret it for a long time.


Ms Practical Etiquette

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