baptism invitation

by my bf nt gd engh
(b/c we're not married?)

Dear Miss Manners,

I have a friend that asked my to be a god mother to her daughter, we have been friends since high school and maintained a close friendship and I divulge lots of my personal info to her. She knows how close and how I feel about my boyfriend of one year and I can see myself spending my life with him and I am pretty much waiting for him to pop the question. He knows that I will not move in with him even if we are serious unless we are getting married, but since it's only been a year that we've been dating I am not pressuring him as we want to ensure our relationship develops properly. However this year we started signing and give birthday presents together (he asked for that and and I was happy to hear that from him and told my friend about it and she mentioned that it must be getting serious). I have introduced him to my family and he even attended my nephews 1st communion and my friend met him twice and they got along great. So I am now puzzled why she only invites me to her son's birthday and to her daughter's baptism and not my boyfriend. I feel uncomfortable asking because it seems she is consciously excluding him, as I tried to bring up gently how close we are. I really feel sad because he contributed half the money we gave when her daughter was born as a gift. Most recently at her son's birthday since people found out I have a boyfriend they asked why he is not here I said he could not attend (but it's b/c he was not invited). I don't know what to make out of this situation or what is the right thing but I am sad that he is not going to be there and after being alone for so many years (5) I still feel alone because now my boyfriend is not invited. However, if it's only proper that he doesn't not attend that I will bite the bullet this time. My boyfriend will not say it but he is upset and said he does not want to have any more get togethers, and that I can be her friend on my own, so now I have even more issues because he will not go to any casual get togethers at her home, I am the godmother...what do I do? He is very offended. Should she know better? Are we wrong?

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Be bold ...
by: Ms P Etiquette

Your being upset makes sense. And I understand why your boyfriend feels slighted. On the face of things, your friend's behavior is thoughtless and rude.

Instead of thinking you know what is on your best friend's mind, I am going to strongly suggested you do talk with her about this situation.

If she is purposely excluding your boyfriend from gatherings while knowing his is a steady participant in your life, as well as in gift giving to her family, you need to know why. Her actions are more hurtful because she has not discussed this with you. You must understand her position now before more damage is done. Is she jealous of your relationship with him? Can she feel, having only met him twice, that she does not know him well enough yet? (that is an easy fix) And so on.

I am puzzled why you do not want to discuss this with her since you have been willing to divulge your most personal thoughts to her in the past. And she has given you the most important job a parent can bestow on a friend, being the godparent to her child.

Once you understand her thinking, you and your beau can discuss how to proceed. Be bold. Ask questions. Be informed. It is the basis of all successful relationships.

Good luck!

Ms Practical Etiquette

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