Bat mitzvah invites

by Jessica
(Austin, Texas)

My husband's sister and brother in law planned a bat mitzvah for their daughter. They had a Friday night service, Friday night dinner at the grandparents home after service, Sat service, Sat night party, and Sun brunch. My parents and my sister and her family were only invited to the Saturday service at the temple. A few years ago my sister invited my husband's parents, his sister and her entire family to my sisters son't barmitzvah (service, lunch, party, and brunch).
I think it is horrible that my sister in law did not reciprocate. In addition, she did not include my parents (her only brothers in laws) to the other functions. They have plenty of money so that is not the issue.
Am I overracting? I am furious.


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by: Ms P Etiquette


Only you know if you are "overreacting". I can see why your feelings are hurt. It must feel like quite a slight to be excluded from some of the family festivities. However, I do not see a question here relating to practical etiquette.

It seems your in-laws have been less than polite but you cannot change that. The only power you have to change anything at all is your power to change your own response. Please consider that this reveals your sister in law's true nature and therefore accept it as such. Do not take it personally because I can guarantee you it is not. Thoughtlessness does not come and go, it resides within a person and raises it head from time to time without warning. This is who she is. You know what to expect from her after this situation. Accept it, be cordial if you can and move on from this hurt. When we cannot change something, we can only acknowledge that it is what it is. We may not like it, but we cannot alter it either. No one likes having their expectations smashed, but it should not rule how we feel for very long. Family is tough sometimes!

Good luck,

Ms Practical Etiquette

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