Ex Husbands

by Samatha

I have a relative that insists on inviting my ex husband to events....saying she is doing it for my children who are adults with children of their own. Says they won't come so he will not be alone. I cannot help that. If my children want to spend the holiday with him that is fine with me. I would understand that - but I do not feel I need to give in and let him be at family functions. I constantly have a knot in my stomach over something that is 10 years old.

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by: Ms P Etiquette

Dear Samantha,

I do not think this is an etiquette question in itself. You have three issues here. 1. Your relative is trying to make nice for everyone. 2. Your grown kids won't attend without their father. 3. You are still holding on to the knot in your stomach after 10 years.

You cannot make your relative behave the way you would like, which is to leave your ex-husband out of your family events. Not inviting him causes your adult children to choose sides. And your resentment is dictating your behavior. The etiquette issue here is your being the cause disruption at the event. It is always poor etiquette to make your negative feeling known at any gathering.

Your choices are for you to attend or not attend. If you want to be included in family events, it appears you will have to start letting go of your resentful feelings. They are hurting you, not helping. This can be very difficult for some of us so try to look upon this situation as the catalyst that started your healing. Many families find a way to function after a breakup, but it is rarely easy. I wish you success and peace.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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