As a Mother, am I making a big deal about being the one who wants to take my daughter for her special occasion dresses.

by Michelle
(Harrisburg, Pa)

I have primary custody of my 15 year old daughter since my ex husband and I divorced 10 years ago. we have 3 other older children who are young adults. each time my daughter is asked to a high school dance, my ex husband and his wife beat me to taking her for her special attire. as a freshman, she was recently asked to her sophomore boyfriends' prom. of course, she accepted, it's her first prom. before I had the opportunit, her dad and his wife took her and purchased her a dress and shoes. thisis one of the things I had looked forward to as her mother. hey did the same thing after being asked to her first homecoming. what should I do in the future so that I do not miss out on this special time with my daughter? my ex's wife has never had any children and often tries to fill that void by jumping ahead of me. My Ex knows this kind of thing is important to me but, does so to hurt me and assist in filling his wife of two years' void. What should I do so to avoid my daughter in the middle but, express my desire to share on thos special mother/daughter tome?

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Family Dynamics
by: Ms P Etiquette

Hello Michelle,

Unfortunately, it is the child who is caught in the middle of squabbles between ex-spouses, unless both are behaving maturely. Since it seems this is not the situation in your blended family, there is little you can do without making your daughter feel responsible for her mother and father fighting. This will force her to feel she has to choose.

Ask the father and his wife together to share this special time in your daughter’s life by sharing separately in the shopping ritual. You can take the prom, they can take the winter dance, etc.

Just remember this is about your daughter’s happiness, not your disappointment.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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