is it okay to take back a gift given 18 years ago.

by marlene

when my aunt passed away 18 years ago, my “close” cousin gave me one of her moms rings which i thought was really nice of her.

now 18 years later, she gave me some cock and bull story that her dead mother came to her in a dream to get the ring back. what a dream! i was very close with my aunt. my cousin lives in calif., i live 3,000 miles from her. her parents lived 10 miles from us.

we treated her parents like they were our parents. i thought what she was asking was outrageous and totally out of line. i told her i wouldn’t part with it and she called me all kinds of names and hung up on me. we haven’t spoken since. (one month).

was i okay in reacting this way? am i wrong or is she.

thanks for your reply, marlene

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Ms P Etiquette
by: Gift Return

Hello Marlene,

Giving a gift with sentimental value conveys the importance of the deceased to the recipient. While it was nice of your cousin to give you this ring, it is rude of her to request it’s return. Because the ring belongs to you, not returning it to her is your decision. Unfortunately, you cannot control the behavior of others, so I recommend you refrain from engaging in any heated discussions with her. Keep it simple. Let her know that you think it is a shame she feels the way she does, but your love for your aunt means a great deal to you as does the ring, so you must decline her request.

Good luck.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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