Miss Inquiry

If I am not invited to the wedding even though I am (or I thought I was) the MOB's best friend for many, many years, am I expected to provide a gift? I will for the sake of the friendship but I feel this is a slap in the face particularly since I have dealt with so much loss this past year. I was at the Bride-to-be's christening and other milestones...

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by: Ms P Etiquette

Hello Miss,

Good manners dictate you never take an action that will be distressing to others, especially when an important event is involved. You do not have to give a gift unless you wish to do so. However, you must refrain from any attempt to make the bride feel guilty or upset over this situation. Accept that it is what it is and you are free to give or not give a gift. Your call.

Ms Practical Etiquette

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by: Anonymous

Thank you so much for your added wisdom because there have been a few times that I almost said something to the mom. Then my feelings were validated when I read an excerpt from the Washington Post from Miss Manners:

"Just when one thinks that the Wedding Industrial Complex cannot get any worse, it does. One of the latest trends is to suggest to brides- and grooms-to-be that it is a good thing to tell those whom they are not inviting to the wedding just why they are not being invited.

The explanation given is that the couple would adore to have you attend their wedding, but that their budget will not permit it. It is also suggested that to make the excluded feel included, they be invited to go along on expeditions to “help choose” the dress, the cake or whatever.

As the occasional recipient of such announcements, I would like your advice about how to respond. It seems churlish to say that you’re relieved not to be invited, but it seems awkward to admit that your feelings are hurt at being excluded."

So this ill-mannered trend is contagious and well at least it seems to be non-discriminatory.

I do appreciate your input. It prevented me from saying something that I probably would have regretted. I so do want to say something though.

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