Shower Etiquette

by Dianne
(Florida)

My selfish, spoiled daughter-in-law expects me to pay for an expensive baby shower. I live out of town so the mother is making arrangements at a good (read expensive) restaurant for at least 50 guests and I do not have an income that allows that kind of expenditure. I will have to fly to another state, pay for a hotel for two days, pay for the shower (with her mother) and then pay for an expensive gift as well. I am on social security as my only income. My son and daughter-in-law know this and they just talked me into lending them $7,500 dollars. They know it's part of my retirement income and as it is I won't have enough money to get thorough retirement. Now a baby shower that will end up costing airfare, hotel, gift and then the cost of the shower itself! Ridiculous.

The mother said my daughter-in-law's two sisters-in-law won't do a shower; they're too disorganized, too spacey, and a third that would contribute is in another state. That's not my problem and why should I be bullied into paying these costs because they won't.

I would be more than happy to be a part of a home based shower with a modest menu and controlled costs. It could still be very pretty and festive without putting such a strain on my finances. How do I deal with the extravagant mother who's insisting on this? What are my options?