Which R.S.V.P. abomination is more appropriate?

by Sheduler Snafu
(Flummoxed in Florida)

Hoping to prevent hard feelings. I realize this is a case of the lesser of two evils so, which is slightly less appalling?

-To R.S.V.P. to event, and not attend,


-To not R.S.V.P., just show up and not consume any refreshments?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, this is for a boss who is always having tons of scheduling difficulties. Which I'm in supposed to be keeping as straight as possible!

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Brain Teaser?
by: Ms. P Etiquette

Dear Flummoxed in Florida~

Is this a trick question? Because it certainly seems like one!

Either scenario is so far out of the etiquette books it defies a correct answer.

Not responding as requested to an invitation is unacceptable. Arriving without responding that you were coming (whether you eat or not) is also unacceptable.

If you do reply that you are attending, and something happens to prevent your attendance the host should be notified as soon as your plans change. Simply not showing up is rude and poor manners. However, if the change in plans is the result of an emergency at the last minute, like being hit by a bus or being in a car crash on the way to the event, then your absence is excusable and not a violation of etiquette.

If one method of poor manners is to be chosen over the other, I believe the answer is in the eye of the beholder or host. Is the person responsible for the event more likely to be put off by a surprise absence or arrival? I do not know the answer to this question.

Thank you for the brain teaser.

Kind regards,

Ms. Practical Etiquette

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